It's All Your Fault! Understanding Blame, Fault, and the Need for Perception Correction

Nov 09, 2023


Blame and fault are two terms that often permeate our interpersonal relationships and everyday lives. When something goes wrong, it's easy to point fingers and assign responsibility to others. However, delving deeper into this complex topic reveals the importance of perception correction and the need to examine the wounds within ourselves.

The Salt and Wound Analogy

Imagine a situation where we sprinkle salt on healthy skin – nothing happens. It's as if the salt has no impact. However, if we sprinkle salt on a gaping wound, it stings, and it stings badly. In this analogy, the salt represents the circumstances, the people, or the issues in our lives that have the potential to affect us. But here's the key: the salt can only hurt us if there's a wound to begin with.

The Triggers Point to Our Inner Pain

When something triggers us, it often reveals deeper issues within ourselves. These triggers point to the pain we carry within that needs healing. If the trigger is harmless, not inherently toxic or harmful, but it activates our own unresolved wounds, it becomes our responsibility to address and heal those wounds. Blaming the external trigger for our emotional reaction is misplaced and unproductive.
Imagine a situation where someone's innocent comment makes you feel insecure or defensive. Instead of blaming them for making you feel that way, consider what it is within you that their comment touched. Is it a past trauma, a deep-seated insecurity, or an unhealed wound? This self-reflection can lead to personal growth and self-improvement.

The Chilli in the Salt

But what if the salt has a twist? Sometimes, the salt contains chilli, and it not only stings the gaping wound but also causes discomfort on healthy skin. In this context, the chilli represents unhealthy behaviours, toxic or narcissistic tendencies, unacceptable communication, or anything that is genuinely harmful and should stop.

In such cases, responsibility is a shared burden. The person triggering us should step up their behaviour and act more appropriately, while we must still examine our own wounds and heal them. It's a two-fold process that requires both parties to work together for a healthier, more harmonious relationship.

Blame vs. Responsibility

It's essential to understand the distinction between blame and responsibility. Blame often involves deflecting accountability onto others, making them solely responsible for our emotional reactions. It's a cycle of passing the buck that ultimately impedes personal growth and the potential for healing.
Responsibility, on the other hand, means taking ownership of our emotions and reactions. It's about acknowledging that while external factors may play a role, our inner world also significantly influences our responses. When we accept responsibility, we empower ourselves to heal our wounds and become less susceptible to being triggered.


In all my work with clients, from workplaces to couples, even to individuals, externalising blame and fault are all too common. However, a shift in perspective is needed to promote healthier, more constructive relationships. The salt and wound analogy illustrates the importance of perception correction and the need to heal our own emotional wounds.

When we realize that triggers point to our inner pain, we can begin the journey of self-improvement and healing. And when faced with harmful behaviours, it's crucial to understand that both parties share the responsibility for making things right.

No one truly benefits from offloading all the blame or fault onto the other person. By taking responsibility for our emotional responses and working on our inner wounds, we pave the way for healthier relationships and personal growth. Blame and fault may be tempting, but self-reflection and healing can lead to a more fulfilling and harmonious life.

At Re-MIND Institute, we know that unresolved wounds and blame/fault behaviour can have a big impact on people's personal and professional growth, even if they don't realise it. Our comprehensive approach to personal growth and development tackles these issues head-on, giving you the skills you need to build more fulfilling and productive businesses, relationships, and lives.

If you want to help yourself and others achieve their full potential, please contact us today. We will support you every step of the way and help you create a path to personal growth and transformation.