Breaking the Cycle of Failed New Years Resolutions!
“When you look at your goals. it's important to focus on one thing at a time, with patience and compassion for the other areas of your life. Trying to fix everything all at once can leave you overwhelmed and set you up for failure.”
- Dr. Ashleigh Moreland
Every January, countless people set ambitious goals with the mantra “new year, new me.” Yet, for many, the excitement fizzles out within weeks. Gym memberships gather dust, ambitious plans are shelved, and familiar patterns creep back in. Why does this happen? It’s not for lack of desire or effort. The real challenge lies in the gap between wanting something and becoming the person who can achieve it.
At the Re-MIND Institute, we’ve seen this pattern play out time and again. In episode 90 of the Re-MIND Podcast, we explored the reasons behind this cycle and shared valuable insights on how to break free. Let’s unpack some of these ideas and explore practical tools to help you approach your goals with confidence and clarity.
Why Resolutions Fail
Many people assume that achieving a goal is as simple as deciding to act. “I’ll eat healthier.” “I’ll run a half marathon.” “I’ll save more money.” These intentions are great, but they often ignore a crucial factor: your identity must align with the outcome you want to achieve.
Imagine someone who identifies as a night owl setting a goal to wake up at 5 a.m. every day. Without addressing the habits and mindset that reinforce their late nights, the resolution becomes an uphill battle. Similarly, if you want to lose weight but continue to view yourself as someone who “struggles with discipline,” your actions will likely reflect that belief.
The key is to shift from simply wanting a goal to embodying the identity of someone who achieves it.
Shifting from Wanting to Being
Wanting something is often rooted in a sense of lack. When you say, “I want to lose weight,” you’re acknowledging that you don’t currently have it. This mindset keeps you focused on the gap rather than the journey.
Instead, consider reframing your goal: “I am a runner training for a half marathon” feels vastly different from “I want to run a half marathon.” The former shifts your identity and sets you on a path of active progress. It doesn’t matter whether you have run for 30 seconds or 30 years; if you are running, you can be a "runner.”.
Here’s a practical exercise to help shift your mindset:
Visualise your future self. Imagine yourself already living the outcome you want. What does that version of you do differently? How do they think, act, and feel?
Write it down. Craft a statement that reflects your new identity. For example: “I am a financially responsible person who plans my spending carefully” or “I am someone who prioritises my health and makes nourishing choices.”
Act as if. Start adopting the behaviours and habits of this identity, even in small ways. If you’re becoming a runner, begin with short walks or jogs and build from there.
Understanding the Real Barriers
When resolutions fail, we often blame external factors: “I didn’t have time,” “It was too expensive,” or “my family commitments got in the way.” While these reasons may feel valid, they often mask deeper fears or limiting beliefs.
For instance, someone may resist weight loss because they fear being judged for their appearance, even at their goal weight. Others may hesitate to pursue career goals because they’re worried about failing or being rejected.
A practical tool to uncover these hidden barriers is journaling. Set aside time to reflect on these questions:
What am I afraid might happen if I achieve my goal?
What limiting beliefs or stories might be holding me back?
How could achieving this goal challenge my current identity?
By bringing these fears to light, you can begin to address them directly.
The Power of Focused Effort
Many people fall into the trap of trying to fix everything at once. They set resolutions in every area of life- health, career, relationships - only to feel overwhelmed and abandon them all. Try focusing on one key area at a time. This approach builds a strong foundation that supports progress in other areas.
Imagine your life as a house under construction. If you try to work on every wall and roof tile simultaneously, the structure remains unstable. However, if you focus on laying a solid foundation, the rest becomes much easier to build.
Here’s how to choose your focus area:
Identify your most pressing need. What feels most urgent or meaningful right now? For some, it might be improving health. For others, it could be deepening relationships or enhancing financial stability.
Set a specific goal. Instead of vague resolutions like “get healthier,” choose something measurable, such as “walk for 30 minutes every morning.”
Track your progress. Use a journal, app, or simple checklist to celebrate small wins and stay motivated.
Practising Compassion and Grace
One of the most powerful messages from the podcast episode was the importance of self-compassion. Achieving a goal doesn’t mean you need to tackle everything perfectly from day one. There will be setbacks, and that’s okay.
In the podcast episode, I talked about prioritising emotional healing over physical fitness during a challenging time. Rather than viewing this as a failure, I recognised it as a necessary part of my journey. This perspective can help you stay grounded and committed to long-term growth.
Let’s consider a common goal: improving work-life balance.
Old approach: “I’ll leave work at 5 p.m. every day starting tomorrow.”
Barriers: You may fear being seen as less committed or worry about unfinished tasks piling up.
New approach: “I am someone who values my personal time and creates healthy boundaries.” Begin by setting a realistic boundary, such as leaving on time one or two days a week, and build from there.
This shift allows you to approach the goal with flexibility and compassion, making it easier to maintain over time.
A Holistic Path Forward
If you’re ready to transform your approach to goal-setting, the Rise and Thrive program offers a comprehensive framework for personal growth. By focusing on emotional healing, mindset shifts, and practical strategies, it equips participants to break free from limiting patterns and achieve meaningful, sustainable change.
To connect with a supportive community and explore tools to help you on this journey, join the Heart-Centred Healing Hub on Facebook. It’s a space where like-minded individuals share insights, encouragement, and inspiration.
Final Thoughts
This year, instead of falling into the same cycle of “new year, new me,” take a different approach. Focus on who you want to become, not just what you want to achieve. By aligning your identity with your goals, addressing hidden barriers, and practicing self-compassion, you can create lasting change and a life that feels truly fulfilling.
The REAL goal isn’t whether or not you achieve a target, but how much you’ll grow along the way.
