The Power of Emotional Intelligence in Leadership

“Leadership is not about having a role or title. It's about embodied traits. Just because someone holds a leadership position doesn't mean they are a true leader. Unprocessed emotions can hinder your capacity to lead in a way where people genuinely want to follow.”

- Dr. Ashleigh Moreland

Let’s get one thing straight: When I say “Leadership”, I don’t mean the title or where you sit in the organisational chart. I mean your ability to influence, inspire, and connect with those around you. Far too many leaders find themselves struggling, not because of their business acumen or technical skills, but due to emotional roadblocks they haven’t even identified yet, nor do they know what to do with! Emotional intelligence, particularly in leadership, is the key to overcoming these barriers and building thriving teams and organisations.

At the Re-MIND Institute, we see it time and again: leaders who are technically brilliant (e.g. great at their trade, great at logical and process technicalities, etc) but held back by emotional triggers they may not even be aware of. In our recent podcast episode, we explored how unprocessed emotions like shame, fear, and anger can undermine your ability to lead effectively. Today, let’s explore this idea more deeply and offer practical tools to help you step into a new level of leadership—a level that is emotionally intelligent, heart-centred, and truly empowering.

Why Emotional Intelligence Matters in Leadership

Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to recognise, understand, and manage our own emotions, as well as the emotions of those around us. In leadership, this translates into self-awareness, empathy, and the ability to build strong, trusting relationships.

Imagine leading a team where everyone feels safe, valued, and supported. One where your guidance isn’t just followed because you hold authority but because people genuinely trust and respect you. Think of the word discipline. It actually relates to the word disciple, and where did we hear the word disciple? In the bible. Bare with me on this one; I promise it’ll make sense! A disciple was someone who FOLLOWED Jesus. I.e., He LED them. The entire message wasn’t about punishment vs reward, the carrot and stick, but about EMBODYING the characteristics that inspire people to follow you. That’s the power of emotional intelligence. In a workplace setting, it creates an environment where people want to do their best because they feel seen and understood in a relational way, not just so they avoid punishment or penalty.

However, many leaders unknowingly bring their own emotional baggage and programming around what discipline means into the workplace. Whether it’s fear of failure, shame from past mistakes, a belief that they should rule with an iron fist, or anger from unresolved conflicts, these things can cloud judgement and lead to ineffective leadership. By working on emotional intelligence, you can begin to heal those parts of yourself and create a more authentic, effective leadership style.

The Impact of Shame on Leadership

One of the lowest-frequency emotions we encounter in leadership (and life) is shame. Shame tells us, “I’m not enough,” and this belief can manifest in subtle but harmful ways. For example, a leader who feels ashamed about their lack of financial expertise might avoid engaging with the company’s finances altogether. They might say, “That’s what the accountant is for,” and avoid taking responsibility, leading to blind spots that could harm the business.

Shame often drives behaviours like people-pleasing, overcompensation, or avoidance. Shame also shows up as the “I should” voice in your head. “I should be better at this,” or “I should have known that.” But “shoulding” on yourself only adds to the shame—it doesn’t actually drive action or improvement.

Practical Tool: Reframing Your Inner Dialogue

To break the cycle of shame in leadership, start by reframing how you speak to yourself. Instead of “I should have done this,” say, “I am learning to manage this better.” This subtle shift helps move you from a place of shame to a space of growth and possibility. When you acknowledge that learning is part of leadership, you give yourself permission to grow without the weight of self-blame.

Another powerful approach is to ask yourself, “What’s the story I’m telling myself?” Often, we internalise shame from past experiences that no longer apply. By questioning the story, you can begin to detach from limiting beliefs and step into a more empowered leadership role.

Fear-Based Leadership: The Authoritarian Trap

Fear is another common emotion in leadership, and it often manifests in a need for control. Leaders driven by fear might feel compelled to micromanage or dominate, creating an environment where people comply out of fear of consequences (that old distorted view of discipline) rather than genuine engagement. While this authoritarian approach might yield short-term results, it often leads to resentment, disengagement, and high staff turnover in the long run.

A fearful leader might think they need to have all the answers, but in reality, leadership is about providing emotional safety, not certainty of every outcome. When people feel safe, they are more likely to innovate, contribute, and take risks that lead to growth.

Practical Tool: The Transparency Rule

To avoid falling into fear-based leadership, adopt a practice of transparency. Being open with your team about the challenges you’re facing, the uncertainties ahead, or even your own limitations helps to build trust. It signals that you’re not hiding behind a facade of control but are instead creating a space where collaboration and problem-solving can flourish.

Start small. In your next team meeting, acknowledge a challenge or uncertainty, then invite your team to contribute ideas on how to tackle it together. This kind of openness fosters a collaborative spirit and allows others to step up in areas where they excel.

The Danger of Neutrality: Inaction Can Cause Harm

One of the most surprising points we discussed in the podcast was all about neutrality. This is a state where leaders remain passive or indifferent and is often just as, if not MORE damaging than overtly negative or destructive behaviours. Neutrality often comes from a fear of conflict, fear of failure, or a reluctance to make decisions. However, inaction can create an unsafe environment where toxic behaviours go unchecked, leaving the team feeling unsupported and undervalued.

Neutral leaders might say, “I wasn’t there, so I can’t do anything about it,” or “It’s not my place to intervene.” But by avoiding decisions or conflict resolution, they inadvertently allow harm to continue.

Practical Tool: The Accountability Checklist

To combat neutrality, implement an accountability checklist. This simple tool involves regularly reviewing key areas of your leadership: Are there unresolved conflicts? Is everyone clear on their roles and responsibilities? Is there any ambiguity in the team dynamic? By holding yourself accountable and being proactive in addressing these areas, you can prevent passivity from taking root.

Even if you feel uncertain about how to handle a situation, taking any action, be it asking questions, seeking advice, or even just acknowledging the issue, will move you away from harmful neutrality.

Leading with Love and Empathy

At the higher end of the emotional spectrum is love, which in leadership translates to empathy, understanding, and long-term vision. Leaders who operate from love create environments where people feel valued not just for their work but for who they are as individuals and their CONTRIBUTION to your purpose and humanity. This kind of leadership promotes psychological safety, where team members are willing to take risks, share ideas, and grow together.

However, leading with love doesn’t mean avoiding tough decisions. If you avoid making hard calls because you’re trying to be too empathetic, you could end up slipping back into neutrality. Leadership requires balancing empathy with action.

Practical Tool: The “Hold Space, Take Action” Framework

This framework helps you lead with both empathy and decisiveness. When a challenge arises, first hold space for the emotions involved. Whether it’s a difficult conversation with a team member or addressing a team-wide issue, it’s important to acknowledge the emotions, validate them, and let the other person know they are heard.

Once that emotional space has been created, move forward with action. Ask, “What steps can we take to resolve this together?” This approach fosters trust while still ensuring that necessary actions are taken.

Emotional Intelligence as a Path to Leadership Transformation

Ultimately, emotional intelligence is about recognising that your emotions and behaviours have a direct impact on those around you. By doing the work to heal your own emotional triggers, you become a leader people want to follow, not because they have to, but because they believe in your vision and feel safe in your presence.

If this resonates with you, it’s worth exploring how our Rise and Thrive program can support your journey to becoming an emotionally intelligent leader. We focus on helping individuals like you process unhealed emotional triggers, develop self-awareness, and step into your full potential as a leader.

And for those looking for a supportive community, our Heart-Centred Healing Hub Facebook group is a safe space where you can connect with others on the same path. In the group, we offer regular insights, discussions, and resources to support your growth, both personally and professionally.

BONUS:

We have a PDF tool that helps you identify the behaviours that are manifesting in your leadership as an expression of different emotions—access FREE here.

Conclusion

Emotional intelligence is the secret ingredient to effective, transformative leadership. Whether you're overcoming shame, fear, or the tendency to remain neutral in challenging situations, developing your emotional awareness will have a profound impact on how you lead.

By recognising and healing these emotional barriers, you not only become a better leader but also create a positive ripple effect within your team and organisation. Leadership isn’t about perfection, so for all you perfectionists reading this, you can put that tendency to rest. Leadership is about growth, self-awareness, and the courage to lead from a place of empathy and strength.

We’d love to hear from you—let us know what resonated the most! Email us at [email protected]

Watch Episode 81 of the Re-MIND Podcast here: