The Suffocating Sensation of 'I Have No Choice'

“True freedom comes from embracing your agency of choice.” - Dr. Ashleigh Moreland

In the latest episode of the Remind Podcast, David and I chatted about the crippling sensation of feeling like we have no choice. This pervasive mindset can leave us feeling stuck, disempowered, and overwhelmed. But is it TRUE that we have no choice? Or is it a matter of perspective and understanding the consequences of our choices? Head to YouTube to watch the episode here or if you prefer to listen, you can catch it on spotify here. In this blog post, we’ll explore this concept in a bit more detail, providing practical tools and scenarios to help you regain your sense of agency and make empowered decisions.

Understanding the 'No Choice' Mindset

The belief that we have no choice is often rooted in fear and a lack of awareness. It’s a mindset that can paralyse us, making it difficult to see the options available—kind of like the saying “can’t see the wood from the trees”. This feeling is common in various aspects of life, from relationships and careers to personal growth and daily responsibilities.

The Universal Truth of Choice

The universal truth is that we always have a choice. Even when all options seem unfavourable, there is still a choice to be made. The challenge lies in recognising that the perceived lack of choice is often due to fear of consequences, discomfort, or a deep-seated belief that we must prioritise others' needs over our own. So where to from here?

Practical Tools to Reframe Your Mindset

1. Awareness and Acceptance:

Start by acknowledging your feelings. Accept that feeling stuck is valid but not permanent.

Journaling can help you identify and process these feelings. Write down the situations where you feel you have no choice and explore the emotions associated with them. Is it fear? Rage? Hurt? Guilt? Shame? (guilt and shame play out a LOT here, especially when making ANY choice seems to hurt or impact someone else).

2. Reframe Your Language:

Replace “I have no choice” with “If I had choices, what would they be?” This simple reframe can open up new possibilities and help you see options you might have overlooked.

3. Weigh the Consequences:

List the potential outcomes of each choice. Often, the fear of negative consequences clouds our judgement. By objectively assessing the risks and benefits, you can make a more informed decision.

4. Address the Fear:

Identify the root cause of your fear. Is it fear of failure, rejection, or hurting someone? Ask yourself, “Who gets hurt by me making that choice?” Then consider asking yourself, “Who gets hurt if I DON’T make the choice?” Understanding the underlying fear can help you address it directly, and also having an awareness that OUR choices are often the very things hurting us, and we have the power to prioritise differently.

5. Visualise the Positive Outcomes:

Instead of fixating on worst-case scenarios, visualise the best possible outcomes. This positive visualisation can motivate you to take action despite your fears.

Scenarios of Empowered Decision-Making

Relationship Decisions:

Scenario: You feel trapped in a toxic relationship because you believe you have no choice but to stay for the children.

Practical Step: Consider the long-term impact on your children. Children thrive in environments where they see healthy relationships and self-respect. By choosing to prioritise your well-being, you model resilience and self-worth for your children.

Career Choices:

Scenario: You feel stuck in a job that drains you but believe you can't leave due to financial obligations.

Practical Step: Explore alternative job opportunities, upskilling, or even part-time ventures that align with your passions. Create a financial plan that allows you to transition without jeopardising your stability and financial responsibilities.

Personal Boundaries:

Scenario: You constantly say yes to others' demands, feeling you have no choice but to comply to avoid disappointing them.

Practical Step: Practice setting boundaries. Start with small, manageable steps, such as declining minor requests. Over time, build up to setting firmer boundaries that protect your time and energy.

The Role of Timing and Patience

Sometimes, despite knowing what to do and resolving our fears, the timing may not feel right, or it may not feel a big enough priority yet. The universe has a way of applying pressure until we are ready to make the necessary changes. Trust that the right moment will present itself and that patience is part of the process. I apply an “I can’t do this anymore” scale when screening my prospective clients. Take tooth pain as an example. We can be aware of tooth pain, but it might only be impacting us a 3/10. At 3/10 pain or discomfort, we can continue pushing through, doing life, prioritising other things, and spending our time and money elsewhere.

Eventually, over time, the pain gets progressively worse, and finally as it gets to an 8 or 9 / 10, the discomfort of inaction becomes too painful, so FINALLY we are ready to call the dentist, take time out of our busy schedules, and spend our hard earned cash on the solution. We see this in every aspect of life - people who abuse their health all their life, have a health crisis and finally are ready to clean up their lifestyle. People who neglect their marriage for years, are faced with the reality of divorce, and finally are ready to step up and make the changes required to have a healthy relationship. We take things for granted super frequently as humans, but sometimes it’s the discomfort and pressure of NOT making a choice that forces our hand to finally make one.

Embracing Agency and Ownership

Empowerment comes from recognising your agency. Every decision you make contributes to your future. By taking ownership of your choices, you move from a place of victimhood to one of empowerment. Reflect on past decisions, understand their impact (without blame or shame), and use that knowledge to guide your current choices.

Building Consistency

Consistency is crucial in overcoming the 'no choice' mindset. It’s not about perfection but about persistence. Small, consistent steps lead to significant changes over time. Whether it’s setting boundaries, seeking new opportunities, or prioritising self-care, consistency will help you build the life you desire.

Final Thoughts

Feeling like you have no choice is a common and deeply human experience. However, with awareness, practical tools, and a shift in mindset, you can reclaim your sense of agency and make empowered decisions. Remember, every small step you take towards honouring your needs and desires contributes to a more fulfilling and authentic life.

Join the conversation in our Heart-Centred Healing Hub Facebook group, where we share resources, support each other, and continue this journey together. If you ARE at 8, 9 or 10 out of 10 and feel that squeeze to make a change, now is your time! We’ve got you! Consider applying for an upcoming round of Rise and Thrive here.

For more insights and support, subscribe to the Remind Podcast and stay connected with our community. We’re here to help you navigate your journey with compassion and empowerment.

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By embracing your choices and recognising your agency, you can transform your life. Remember, you always have a choice. It’s time to make it.

Watch Episode 64 of the Re-MIND Podcast here: