Understanding Your Nervous System is THE KEY to Lasting Positive Change and Healing

“Our nervous system is always doing exactly what it thinks it needs to do to survive. That survival might even mean preventing us from experiencing discomfort, pain, or any perceived threat. And that's why understanding our nervous system responses is essential to our healing”

- Dr. Ashleigh Moreland

In our latest podcast episode, we introduced a concept that’s both fundamental and often overlooked: the role of our nervous system in shaping our responses, behaviours, and even our relationships. It’s a topic that goes deep into how we’re wired and why we might find ourselves reacting in ways that don’t feel “us.” Understanding your nervous system can genuinely transform your journey to personal growth and healing, which is why, over the coming episodes and blog articles, we’ll explore each survival response in detail—fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. I was a “customer” of traditional psychology and counselling for over 20 years, and not once EVER was this taught to me. My prayer is that by sharing this information FREELY, people can have a greater understanding for themselves and others and be empowered to have greater compassion and take action to heal.

Why the Nervous System Matters in Healing

When we talk about personal growth or managing stress, we’re often told to “stay positive,” “just let it go,” or “change our mindset.” These phrases can feel almost dismissive, especially if you’re in the midst of a struggle that’s affecting every area of your life. What if, instead of trying to force a change, we understood why we feel the way we do? This shift in perspective can be the turning point in how we approach healing.

The nervous system is at the core of every response we have to the world around us. When something feels threatening or uncomfortable, our nervous system steps in to protect us, often through one of four responses: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. These responses are not weaknesses or flaws—QUITE THE OPPOSITE ACTUALLY!!! They are the natural instincts that have kept humans safe for centuries. However, in our crazy post-industrial-revolution era world, these responses can be triggered not only by real dangers but by stresses and unresolved traumas that are very real to our bodies. Learning how to tune into and respond to these signals is central to managing stress and emotional challenges in a way that feels authentic and sustainable.

Your Body’s Way of Protecting You

Our sympathetic nervous system is often responsible for the stress response, which is designed to keep us alert and ready to face challenges. When faced with a real threat, this response is invaluable. Yet, when stress is constant, such as a difficult job or a strained relationship, our sympathetic nervous system can remain in overdrive. We may feel tense, anxious, or constantly “on guard” without knowing why.

A good analogy here is to think of your nervous system as a house with a fire alarm. When it’s functioning well, the alarm only goes off if there’s a real fire. But imagine if every little puff of “breath” you breathed set it off, causing you to be in a state of panic around the clock. This is what most of my clients report when we initially speak, and exactly what it’s like to live with a nervous system that’s constantly on high alert. I’ll ask “when was the last time you FELT peace or stillness in your body” and their answer is at worst “never”, or at best “a long time ago”. Let’s get something clear: the goal isn’t to turn OFF the alarm… we do genuinely need it for REAL threats, but we want to help it more accurately recognise a real threat from a non-threat and respond more appropriately. Let’s explore some practical tools that can help with this.

Practical Tools for Tuning into Your Nervous System

The first step to working with your nervous system rather than against it is to become aware of your body’s signals and what they mean. Here are some practical ways to help you do just that:

1. Body Scanning - You might want to try this
   Find a quiet space, close your eyes, and take a few slow, deep breaths. Starting from your head, mentally “scan” down through your body, noticing any areas of tightness or discomfort. This exercise can reveal where stress might be sitting in your body. If your shoulders are tense, your jaw is clenched, or your stomach feels tight, these could be physical indicators of stress.
   Practising body scanning regularly can also help build an awareness of when your body is entering a state of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, even before you’re fully conscious of it. This awareness is key to responding rather than reacting, allowing you to pause and choose your next steps. Another tool I find hugely beneficial is from my fellow neuro-ality (ok, that is my attempt at merging neuroscience with spirituality) nerd, Dr Dan Siegel, and it’s called the wheel of awareness. Access it here.

2. Gentle Breathing Techniques
   When our sympathetic nervous system is activated, our breathing often becomes shallow, quick, or even irregular. To counter this, try what’s called “box breathing” or “4-4-4-4” breathing. Inhale for four counts, hold for four counts, exhale for four counts, and hold again for four counts. Repeat this for a few minutes, allowing your breath to regulate. The more you come into your body, the longer you can count for - I find that 7-7-7-7 is a happy place for my nervous system to really activate the rest and digest state, but when I am majorly dysregulated, I cannot even sustain a 7-second breath. Ease into it! This simple practice can help activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes rest and relaxation.

3. Awareness of Patterns
   Notice when certain responses are triggered. For instance, if a tense conversation with a loved one brings out a defensive (fight) reaction or if work stress makes you want to retreat (flight), awareness of these patterns can help you understand which situations trigger certain responses. Acknowledge that these responses are natural—they're your nervous system’s way of keeping you safe, even if the situations aren’t truly dangerous. There is literally zero point judging them at this stage. They’re happening, and they’re real for you, so meet them with loving kindness, and then you can do the work to heal what is underlying it. This is something we help people with every single day - DM us on any of our socials, @‌remind.institute or email us at [email protected] to find out more.

4. Ask Yourself: Is This a Real Threat?
   When you’re triggered, gently ask yourself, “Is this a real, immediate threat?” Your nervous system might activate based on past experiences or even anticipated future outcomes that feel unsettling. Understanding whether the threat is present or projected can help you work with your nervous system more consciously. If the “threat” is your own perception, it could be a moment to pause, breathe, and remind yourself that you’re safe right now.

5. Practical Grounding Techniques
   Grounding exercises can anchor you in the present, which is especially helpful when you’re caught in a cycle of worry or panic. Try touching nearby objects, listening closely to sounds around you, or feeling the floor under your feet. These sensory inputs help your brain process where you are and that you’re safe, easing your nervous system out of high alert.

Real-Life Scenarios

Let’s look at some real-life scenarios to see how these tools might be applied.

• The Office Trigger
  Imagine you have a presentation coming up, and your heart races, your hands feel clammy, and your mind goes blank. These symptoms are all signs of a fight-or-flight response. By noticing these symptoms early, you can try box breathing before the meeting or grounding by holding onto your chair and feeling your feet on the floor. This approach can calm your nervous system, giving you more presence during your presentation.

• Relationship Stress
  Perhaps you find yourself avoiding certain topics with a partner, and whenever they come up, you feel the need to defend yourself (fight) or withdraw completely (flight). Awareness of this pattern can help you pause, acknowledge the sensations in your body, and choose to respond differently. This could mean setting a boundary with kindness or taking a moment to breathe before continuing the conversation, rather than reacting impulsively.

• Overwhelm from Daily Life
  For many of us, life can feel like a constant cycle of things to do, and the nervous system may feel consistently overstimulated. Using body scans each morning or evening can help reveal whether you’re carrying stress in your body. Acknowledging this and allowing yourself to rest, even for a few minutes, is a small way to let your body recalibrate, slowing down the sympathetic nervous response.

Shifting from Reaction to Intention

A significant part of healing is learning to move from reactive survival responses to intentional choices. It’s not about never feeling anxious, scared, or angry; it’s about learning to recognise these states and respond in a way that honours both yourself and those around you.

Consider this common pattern: you feel uncomfortable or uneasy in a situation and immediately want to change it, distract yourself, or avoid it altogether. This is often a form of flight, an attempt by your nervous system to shield you from discomfort. Instead, what if you paused, took a breath, and simply allowed the discomfort to be there? Not to wallow in it but to acknowledge it with kindness.

How the Rise and Thrive Program Can Support Your Journey

The journey of understanding and working with your nervous system takes time and support. The Rise and Thrive program was designed with this journey in mind. By offering tools that engage both the body and mind, Rise and Thrive equips you with practical ways to work with your nervous system rather than against it. Through supportive coaching, community, and insights grounded in both neuroscience and compassion, you’ll learn how to identify, understand, and reshape patterns that may have felt out of your control. Ask anyone who has done it—it WILL change your life.

Join Our Community for Continued Support

Healing and growth are journeys best taken with support. If you’d like to connect with others who are on a similar path, consider joining our Heart-Centred Healing Hub on Facebook. It’s a welcoming community where you’ll find additional resources, encouragement, and space to share your journey with others who truly get it.

Final Thoughts

The nervous system isn’t a problem to be solved; it’s an ally to be understood. Each response, whether it’s fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, serves a purpose in protecting us. When we learn to work with these responses, we open the door to a life that feels more grounded, connected, and truly aligned with who we are. By bringing awareness to our body’s signals, practising grounding techniques, and reflecting on our patterns, we can move from a place of reaction to one of true intention.

This journey of tuning into your nervous system and learning to respect it as a guide doesn’t have to be done alone. With programs like Rise and Thrive and communities like the Heart-Centred Healing Hub, support and understanding are within reach. Here’s to a journey of growth, resilience, and deep self-awareness.

Watch Episode 82 of the Re-MIND Podcast here: