Reclaiming Your Life From the Grip of Grief: Practical Steps for Healing
“Sadness isn't grief. Grief is almost an experience of such overwhelming emotion that we are facing a reality that seems just so shocking and so intense that it completely exceeds our capacity to be able to go on with life as it were.”
- Dr. Ashleigh Moreland
Grief can feel like an unwelcome guest that settles into every corner of your life, making it hard to remember what joy, peace, or even normality once felt like. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or even the departure of something that once brought you happiness—a job, a home, a cherished object—grief has a way of sneaking in and setting up camp. It can cloud your thoughts, weigh down your heart, and leave you feeling disconnected from the world around you. But grief doesn’t have to define you or steal your life. You have the power to reclaim your life, and in this post, we’ll explore practical ways to do just that.
Understanding Grief Beyond Sadness
One of the most challenging aspects of grief is understanding it beyond the simple label of "sadness." Grief is a complex, multifaceted experience that can manifest in many ways—anger, guilt, confusion, numbness, or a deep sense of loss. It’s an overwhelming emotion that often feels too big to process, leading us to either push it away or let it quietly take over. I recall a client explaining to me once that her children had said “We lost both of our parents the day our Dad died [over 30 years ago]”. Mum was still alive, but she wasn’t “her” anymore.
Take a moment to reflect on your own experience with grief. Have you ever felt as though the world moved on while you remained stuck in a painful memory? Perhaps you’ve tried to ignore it, hoping it would fade with time, only to find it still lingering in the background, quietly influencing your decisions, your mood, and even your relationships. Maybe associations like anniversaries, birthdays, people, places or objects trigger painful emotions in you, relating to the thing or person you’re grieving. This is because grief, when unprocessed, doesn’t simply disappear. Instead, it becomes part of your daily life, shaping your thoughts and behaviours in ways you might not even realise.
Another client recently shared some unconscious dysregulation and trauma-response type behaviours showing up in her daily life, and when we approached it with curiosity, we realised it was due to the upcoming birth date of her son, who would have been turning 17, but who had tragically passed away fifteen years prior at just two years old. This beautiful woman had grieved that little soul for 15 years, with the memories of his life and the legacy he left tainted by pain and grief that she didn’t know what to do with. A simple date in the calendar in 2024 was enough to trigger dysregulation and emotional / behavioural responses because of unprocessed pain, and a dysfunctional association that represented the heaviness of her loss.
When we processed some raw and deep emotion, she was able to reframe that date as the date she learned how to love in a way she’d never experienced before, and the gift of the memory of her son had been restored to joy and love and connection. She later reported, “I woke up on Saturday [her sons birthday] with a completely different mindset than I have had in 15 years. I wasn’t anxious, nervous, sad or mad. Although it hit me at certain points in the day, it was nothing compared to past years. I told myself, “Today is the day I learned Love!””
These examples have so far been about the loss of loved ones, but in our recent episode of the Re-MIND Podcast, I shared my journey with grief, particularly how it’s not just tied to the loss of loved ones. Grief can arise from any significant change or loss, whether it’s a missed opportunity, a broken relationship, or even something as seemingly trivial as selling a cherished car. The key takeaway is this: grief is not limited to death. It’s about the end of something meaningful, and it deserves to be acknowledged and processed so that there’s space for the START of a new meaning.
The Dangers of Unprocessed Grief
Unprocessed grief can have a profound impact on your life. It can steal your joy, cloud your judgement, and keep you stuck in a cycle of emotional pain. Over time, you might find yourself building a life around your grief, rather than moving through it. This is where the real danger lies—not in feeling the grief, but in letting it settle into your identity, and become the centre of your world.
Imagine grief as a heavy boulder you carry with you. At first, you might think you’re strong enough to bear the weight, but as time goes on, that boulder starts to slow you down. It affects your ability to move forward, to enjoy the present, and to imagine a future that isn’t overshadowed by pain. You might even find yourself constructing elaborate coping mechanisms around your grief—numbing out with alcohol, overworking, masking your emotions, or avoiding situations that might trigger painful memories.
Practical Tools for Processing Grief
So how do you stop grief from stealing your life? It begins with acknowledging and processing those deep, often overwhelming emotions. Here are some practical tools to help you start this journey:
1. Acknowledge and Honour Your Grief
The first step to healing is simply acknowledging your grief. This might sound obvious, but it’s often the hardest step. Many people try to ignore their grief or push it aside, believing that time alone will heal their wounds. However, as we discussed in the podcast, time doesn’t heal grief; it only steals your life until you decide to confront it.
Take a moment to sit with your grief. What are you grieving? Is it the loss of a loved one, a missed opportunity, or perhaps the version of yourself you wish you could have been? Whatever it is, allow yourself to feel it fully, without judgement or shame. Grief is a natural response to loss, and there’s no “right” way to experience it.
2. Journal Your Feelings
Writing can be a powerful tool for processing emotions. When you put your thoughts and feelings on paper, you create a space to explore and understand them. Try journaling about your grief—what it feels like in your body, what memories or thoughts it brings up, and how it’s affecting your life.
For example, if you’re grieving the loss of a loved one, write about your memories with them, both good and bad. Allow yourself to express any feelings of anger, guilt, or sadness that come up. If you’re grieving the loss of an opportunity or a dream, write about what that loss means to you and how it’s impacted your sense of self. Invite curiosity around what life would or could look like if you moved forward with a different emotion instead—how would you handle conversations from a place of peace and love, rather than grief and hurt? What could a date mean instead, rather than the old pain-based meaning of loss? What does the previous version of you need to be able to let go of carrying that old pain?
Journaling doesn’t have to be perfect or even coherent. It’s about giving voice to the emotions that are often too difficult to articulate. Over time, you may find that this practice helps you make sense of your grief and begin to release some of the pain associated with it.
3. Create Rituals for Healing
Rituals can provide structure and meaning to the grieving process. They offer a way to honour your loss and create a sense of closure, even when that closure feels impossible. Common rituals include lighting a candle in memory of a loved one, visiting a special place that holds significance, or creating a small memorial at home.
Consider what rituals might feel meaningful for you. For example, if you’re grieving a loved one, you might set aside a specific day each year to remember them—perhaps by gathering with family, sharing stories, or doing something that reminds you of them. If you’re grieving the loss of a relationship or a part of your identity, you might create a ritual that symbolises letting go and moving forward, such as writing a letter to that past version of yourself and then safely burning it.
These rituals don’t erase the grief, but they can help you process it in a way that feels respectful and intentional. They provide a way to honour what was lost while also making space for new experiences and emotions.
4. Give Yourself Permission to Feel Joy Again
One of the most challenging aspects of grieving is the fear that by moving on, you’re somehow betraying the person or thing you’ve lost. But holding onto grief doesn’t honour the past - it keeps you stuck in it. Part of healing is giving yourself permission to feel joy again, to build a new life that isn’t centred around your loss, and knowing that the memories of the past can come with you, EVEN when you release the emotions of the past.
Ask yourself: If I weren’t feeling this grief, what could I feel instead? Could it be gratitude for the time you had, love for the memories you shared, or excitement for the future you’re building? By processing your grief, you create space for these positive emotions to coexist with your loss.
Consider a scenario where you’ve lost a beloved pet. The grief might be overwhelming at first, but over time, as you process that grief, you might find space for joyful memories—remembering the playful times, the companionship, and the love that pet brought into your life. By allowing yourself to feel these positive emotions, you’re not forgetting your pet; you’re honouring their memory in a way that brings you peace rather than pain.
5. Seek Support from Others
Grieving doesn’t have to be a solitary journey. Sharing your feelings with others who understand can provide immense comfort and validation. This could be through talking with a trusted friend, joining a support group, or participating in a community like the Heart-Centred Healing Hub—a safe space where you can connect with others who are on similar healing journeys.
In the Heart-Centred Healing Hub, you’ll find a community of like-minded individuals who are committed to supporting each other through life’s challenges. Whether you’re in the midst of grieving or have been carrying it for years, you’ll find a space to share your story, gain insights, and receive the encouragement you need to move forward. Joining a group like this can remind you that you’re not alone and that healing is possible, no matter how long it takes.
The Role of ‘Rise and Thrive’ in Your Healing Journey
If you find yourself struggling to process grief on your own, it might be time to consider professional support. At the Re-MIND Institute, we’ve developed the ‘Rise and Thrive’ program specifically for individuals who are ready to reclaim their lives from the grip of unprocessed emotions, including grief. This 10-week program provides a structured, supportive environment where you can learn practical tools for healing, explore your emotions in a safe space, and begin to rebuild your life with intention.
Through a combination of coaching, neuroscience, and holistic healing practices, ‘Rise and Thrive’ offers a comprehensive approach to personal growth. You’ll learn how to process your grief, manage your emotions, and create a new path forward—one that honours your past while embracing the possibilities of the future. By the end of the program, our participants often report feeling lighter, more connected to themselves, and more empowered to live fully.
If you’re ready to take action and stop grief from stealing any more of your life, I invite you to explore the ‘Rise and Thrive’ program. It’s more than just a course—it’s a journey back to yourself, guided by compassionate experts who have walked this path before.
Taking Back Your Life from Grief
Grief is a natural, human response to loss, but it doesn’t have to define your life. By acknowledging your grief, processing the emotions attached to it, and taking intentional steps to heal, you can reclaim your life and find joy again. Remember, you don’t have to do this alone. Whether through journaling, creating rituals, or seeking support from a community like the Heart-Centred Healing Hub, there are tools and resources available to help you on this journey.
If you’re ready to take that next step, whether it’s joining a community, starting a journal, or enrolling in the ‘Rise and Thrive’ program, know that you’re supported every step of the way. Your life is worth living fully, and it’s never too late to start the process of reclaiming it from grief.
Join the Heart-Centred Healing Hub today and connect with others who are on this journey of healing and growth. Together, we can move from surviving to thriving.
