Whoops, I Said It Again: How Christmas Can Reveal Your Growth Gaps (and Why That’s a Good Thing)

“When we focus, there's two concepts: we can be in our present moment and look back at our past and reflect on our gain. How we've grown and evolved or we can be in our present self and look to the future, we see the gap. The gap is the difference between who I am now and who I aspire to be.”

- Dr. Ashleigh Moreland

The holidays have a unique way of shining a spotlight on our personal triggers and growth areas. For many, Christmas feels less like a season of joy and more like a pressure cooker filled with family dynamics, high expectations, and emotional strain. As shared in the recent episode of the Re-MIND Podcast, this time of year often amplifies the gap between the person we are now and the person we’re striving to become.

But what if we could approach these moments with curiosity and grace instead of guilt or shame?

Let’s explore how the holidays can become a powerful mirror for self-reflection and offer practical tools to grow through these experiences, not just survive them.

The Christmas Pressure Cooker

Picture this: You walk into a family gathering, already frazzled from a chaotic lead-up to Christmas. The kids are off school, work deadlines piled up before the break, and now you’re juggling cooking, shopping, and hosting duties, and before you’ve even sat down, someone makes a cutting remark.

You snap.

Later, you replay the moment in your mind. Why did I react like that? Why couldn’t I stay calm?

The reality is, holidays can magnify existing stressors. They pull together people you may not spend much time with during the year, often under circumstances where emotions are already running high. These situations are ripe for conflict, but they’re also opportunities to practice being the person you aspire to be.

The Gap Between Where You Are and Where You Want to Be

As mentioned on the podcast, this tension can often be traced back to what we call "the gap." The gap is the space between who you are now and the person you wish to become.

For example:

• Scenario 1: You’ve been working on staying calm under pressure, but at Christmas dinner, a family member makes a passive-aggressive comment. Instead of taking a deep breath, you lash out.

• Scenario 2: You’ve committed to mindful eating, yet find yourself eating three servings of dessert, followed by a wave of regret.

These moments highlight areas where you still have room to grow, but that’s not a failure. They’re part of the process.

Practical Tools for Growth

To grow through these moments, we need tools that help us approach them with self-awareness, curiosity, and compassion. Here are some strategies:

1. Pause and Reflect

The ability to pause before reacting is a cornerstone of emotional growth. When you feel triggered, try these steps:

• Notice: Pay attention to what’s happening in your body. Are your shoulders tense? Is your heart racing?

• Breathe: Take a slow, deep breath. This creates space between the trigger and your reaction.

• Reflect: Ask yourself, “What part of me feels activated right now?”

For example, if someone criticises you, you might notice that it stirs a fear of not being good enough. Naming this feeling allows you to respond thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively.

2. Bring Curiosity Without Judgement

Instead of beating yourself up over a moment where you slipped, try approaching it with curiosity. Ask yourself:

• What was I protecting in that moment?

• Why did their comment matter so much to me?

• How would the version of me I’m working to become handle this differently?

For instance, if you overindulged at Christmas dinner, get curious about the emotions driving that choice. Were you stressed? Seeking comfort? Understanding the "why" helps you address the root cause, not just the symptom.

3. Set Boundaries with Grace

Holidays often bring a sense of duty to spend time with people who may not align with your values or bring out your best self. Setting boundaries isn’t about avoiding others; it’s about prioritising your peace.

For example, if you know certain conversations with a family member tend to escalate, you might say:

• “I love spending time with you, but I’d rather not discuss [topic] today. Let’s focus on enjoying the day together.”

Boundaries are about creating space for connection without compromising your well-being.

4. Reframe the Experience

Instead of viewing a holiday slip-up as a failure, reframe it as a learning opportunity.

For example:

• “I raised my voice, but I caught myself sooner than I would have last year. That’s progress.”

• “I said yes to something I didn’t want to do, but now I know how to approach it differently next time.”

Growth isn’t about perfection. It’s about improving how you handle situations over time.

The Role of Grace in Growth

One of the most important messages from the podcast is the role of grace. Grace allows us to see our missteps without harsh judgement and to extend compassion to ourselves and others.

Consider this: The version of you six months ago might not have even recognised the behaviour you’re working to change now. That’s evidence of growth. The fact that you’re reflecting, learning, and striving to do better shows that you’re evolving.

Bringing It All Together

Let’s revisit our earlier scenarios, this time with these tools in mind:

• Scenario 1 (Family conflict): When your relative makes a cutting remark, you pause and breathe. Instead of snapping, you calmly say, “I’d prefer if we didn’t discuss this today. Let’s focus on enjoying our time together.”

• Scenario 2 (Overindulging): After eating dessert, you notice the guilt creeping in. Instead of shaming yourself, you reflect: “What was I feeling in that moment? How can I support myself differently next time?”

These moments are not failures; they’re opportunities to practice becoming the person you want to be.

Your Growth Is Worth Celebrating

As the podcast reminds us, healing isn’t about avoiding discomfort. It’s about learning to approach it with curiosity and grace. Whether you’re navigating family tensions, food choices, or emotional triggers, every moment is an opportunity to grow.

If you’re on this journey of healing and personal evolution, we’d love to support you further in the Heart-Centred Healing Hub Facebook group. It’s a space where like-minded people share wins, challenges, and tools to grow together.

Final Thoughts

This Christmas, if you found yourself saying, “Whoops, I did it again,” don’t let guilt hold you back. Use it as a chance to reflect, learn, and take one more step towards the version of yourself you aspire to be.

Growth isn’t linear, and it doesn’t happen overnight, but with curiosity, grace, and the right support, it’s always possible.

Watch Episode 89 of the Re-MIND Podcast here: