Comparison is the Thief of Joy: Why Judgement Hurts Your Happiness
“Stop! Stop taking your eyes off your own experience and casting them on someone else's, and using their experience as the benchmark of whether or not yours is not good enough.” - Dr. Ashleigh Moreland
Hello, beautiful soul! Welcome to our Re-MIND Institute blog. This topic has been inspired by my two beautiful children, and observing them as they navigate school life and growing up in a flesh meat suit with two eyes to see. Today, we’re diving deep into the destructive habit of comparing ourselves to others. You can watch or listen to our podcast episode on this topic, but this blog post aims to provide practical tools, relatable scenarios, and tangible coaching elements to help you break free from the comparison trap.
Understanding the Comparison Trap
Comparison is a natural human tendency, but when it becomes habitual, it can rob us of our joy and contentment. In our podcast episode, we discussed how comparison impacts our lives, from childhood to adulthood, and in various domains such as personal development, business, and relationships.
The key takeaway is that comparison often leads to judgement and self-doubt, making us feel inadequate and unhappy. But why do we compare ourselves to others in the first place? The answer lies in our desire for validation and acceptance. We look at others' achievements, possessions, and lifestyles as benchmarks for our own success and worth. Unfortunately, this often results in a continuous cycle of dissatisfaction and negativity.
Practical Tools to Overcome Comparison
Breaking free from the comparison trap requires a conscious effort and practical strategies. Here are some tools to help you shift your focus from others and back to your own journey:
Awareness and Mindfulness
The first step in overcoming comparison is to become aware of when and why you are comparing yourself to others, or judging others. Often, it is a learned behaviour! I had no awareness of this until I realised how judgemental I was while studying at University, and when I thought about who taught me to think like that, I saw judgement everywhere in my family of origin. Now, as a mother myself, I literally grab my children’s chin and direct their gaze back to their own work / life.
A perfect example of this was recently when my husband had drawn a character on a scrap page in our kitchen, and our 7 year old daughter had copied his drawing. She compared hers to his drawing and concluded that hers was bad, and she isn’t good at drawing. I placed my hand over his drawing, so she could only see hers, and said, when all you see is yours, how do you feel about it now? She said she really liked it and she thought she did great! Take away the comparison, and the joy returns.
This is the power of bringing awareness to where your gaze is taking you. Practising mindfulness (which simply means bringing awareness to the present moment and your thoughts, actions and behaviours in that moment) can help you recognise when this is happening, and intervene. Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings, and observe how comparison affects your mood and behaviour.
Gratitude Practice
Cultivating gratitude can shift your focus from what you lack to what you already have. By regularly practising gratitude, you can develop a more positive outlook and reduce the tendency to compare yourself to others. You might like to write down three things you are grateful for each night. These could be simple pleasures, such as a warm cup of tea, a kind gesture from a friend, or a moment of laughter with your family. Over time, this practice can help you appreciate your own life more deeply. Something we do in our home is eat dinner together at the dining table almost every night. This is where we connect and share about our lives and our day, and often we reflect and find something to be grateful for!
Set Personal Goals
Instead of using others as benchmarks for success, set your own personal goals based on your values and aspirations. Focus on what you want to achieve and create a plan to work towards it. This can help you stay motivated and reduce the urge to compare yourself to others. For example, you might want to improve your fitness but feel discouraged by the achievements of others who are further along their journey than you. Refocus and come back to YOU and YOUR journey, and your own goals. Set realistic and personalised fitness goals, such as jogging three times a week or completing a health challenge. Celebrate your own personal progress, no matter how small, and remember that your journey is unique.
Limit Social Media Exposure
Social media can amplify feelings of inadequacy and comparison. Consider limiting your time on these platforms or curating your feed to include content that inspires and uplifts you, rather than deflates you. If you notice that certain accounts make you feel less than, unfollow or mute them. Instead, follow accounts that promote positivity, self-love, and personal growth. This can create a healthier online environment and reduce negative comparisons.
Practice Self-Compassion
Being kind to yourself is crucial in overcoming comparison. Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding that you would offer a friend. Acknowledge your strengths and achievements, and be gentle with yourself when you make mistakes. A big thing for me was that I got significance from being the best, or winning. Throughout my life if I didn’t win, or didn’t get chosen for a promotion, or “missed out” in some other capacity, I felt extremely threatened and was triggered into a stress response.
I’ve learned that instead of criticising myself, I can remind myself of my own accomplishments and the effort I put into my work. I can practice self-compassion by affirming that it's okay to face setbacks and that I will continue to grow and improve. The trick with this, though, is that you MUST be grounded in your body - close your eyes, take some deep breaths and be fully present in your body until you feel the discomfort completely ease.
Tangible Coaching Elements
At the Re-MIND Institute, we believe in providing practical and actionable advice to support your personal development. Here are some tangible coaching elements to help you on your journey:
Journaling Exercises
Journaling can be a powerful tool to process your thoughts and emotions. Set aside time each day to write about your experiences with comparison. Reflect on the triggers, the impact it has on your mood, and the steps you can take to overcome it.
Exercise: Write a letter to yourself from the perspective of your future self, offering advice and encouragement. This can help you gain clarity and motivation to stay focused on your own path.
Positive Affirmations
Affirmations are positive statements that can help reprogram your mind and build self-confidence. Create a list of affirmations that resonate with you and repeat them daily. As I mentioned previously, though, you MUST be present in your body and notice what your body accepts or rejects when it comes to these affirmations.
Examples:
"I am worthy of love and success."
"My journey is unique and valuable."
"I am grateful for my progress and achievements."
Accountability Partners
Having an accountability partner can provide support and motivation as you work towards your goals. Share your struggles and successes with someone you trust, and encourage each other to stay focused on your individual paths. It’s so important not to find people who will just validate you and tell you what they think you need to hear, but have people with the capacity to ask questions, and lead or guide you to those conclusions yourself. You might find a friend or family member who is also working on overcoming comparison. Schedule regular check-ins to discuss your progress and offer mutual support. This can create a sense of community and shared purpose. At Re-MIND, I have even asked MY team to coach me in this way when I need it. It’s such a beautiful partnership in growth and healing!!
Embracing Your Unique Journey with Rise and Thrive
If you’re struggling with comparison and judgement, our "Rise and Thrive" program can provide the support and tools you need to transform your mindset and embrace your unique journey. This 10-week program, developed by myself (Dr Ashleigh Moreland - neurophysiologist and holistic health expert), combines neuroscience, spirituality, and healing practices to help you develop emotional intelligence, empathy, and authenticity.
Through "Rise and Thrive," you will:
Learn to recognise and overcome the triggers of comparison and judgement.
Cultivate a deeper understanding of your own strengths and values.
Develop practical strategies to enhance your emotional well-being.
Build a supportive community with like-minded individuals on a similar journey.
Our program is designed to help you break free from the comparison trap and create a fulfilling and joyful life aligned with your true self.
Join Our Heart-Centred Healing Hub
For ongoing support and inspiration, we invite you to join our "Heart-Centred Healing Hub" Facebook group. This community is a safe and supportive space where you can connect with others, share your experiences, and access valuable resources to support your personal growth.
In the "Heart-Centred Healing Hub," you will find:
Regular posts and discussions on overcoming comparison and cultivating self-love.
Exclusive content and insights from the Re-MIND Institute team.
Opportunities to participate in live Q&A sessions and workshops.
A community of individuals committed to personal growth and healing.
Final Thoughts
Remember, comparison is indeed the thief of joy. By becoming aware of when and why you compare yourself to others, practising gratitude, setting personal goals, limiting social media exposure, and practising self-compassion, you can break free from the cycle of judgement and find true happiness and contentment.
Thank you for being a part of the Re-MIND community. If you found this blog post helpful, be sure to listen to our latest podcast episode, "Comparison is the Thief of Joy: Why Judgement Hurts Your Happiness," for more insights and practical advice. Together, let’s create a life filled with joy, purpose, and fulfilment.
With wellness in mind [and body, and spirit],
Dr Ashleigh Moreland
Watch Episode 69 of the Re-MIND Podcast here:
