Are You a Human Doing or a Human Being?
“I can DO the dishes while BEING frustrated, resentful or angry, or I can DO the dishes while BEING present, calm, and at peace. We have to have a level of inner healing and transformation to change the way that we are BEING while DOING all aspects of our lives.” - Dr. Ashleigh Moreland
In our fast-paced world, it's easy to fall into the trap of constantly "doing." We find ourselves ticking off tasks, meeting deadlines, and fulfilling obligations, often without considering our inner state of being. However, this relentless focus on doing can leave us feeling disconnected, stressed, and unfulfilled. In my recent podcast episode, "Are You a Human Doing or a Human Being?" we explore the profound difference between these two modes of living. Today, I want to share practical tools and scenarios to help you shift from merely doing to truly being.
The Difference Between Doing and Being
Doing involves actions and tasks—it's about what we do. Being, on the other hand, is about presence—it's about how we are. You might be doing the dishes, but are you doing them with frustration and resentment, or are you doing them with calm and peace? The outward action is the same, but the inner experience is vastly different.
This distinction is crucial because it affects our overall well-being and the quality of our relationships. When we focus solely on doing (eg DOING “all the things” that a good parent / partner / leader etc “should” do), we may achieve external success and validation by ticking the “right” boxes, but often people still wind up burnt out, overwhelmed and absolutely cooked. Being, however, allows us to engage with life fully and authentically, leading to deeper connections and a more profound sense of fulfilment. Sometimes this simply requires more presence in the things we are doing - bringing our attention to the actual moment, and the people / things / tasks within it. Sometimes it requires the revelation that there are things we can STOP doing, to prioritise a healthier state of being.
Practical Tools for Shifting from Doing to Being
Mindful Presence:
Scenario: Imagine you're at home, helping your child with their homework. Your BODY is sitting next to them, but your mind / soul / consciousness is over in tomorrow busy working on your to-do list, or back in the meeting from earlier today where that “thing” happened. When your body is in the room, in the here and now, but your mind is elsewhere, your child’s nervous system unconsciously perceives your lack of energetic presence, which signals unsafety in their nervous system.
Tool: Start by simply counting (keep a tally on your hand, or use a counting app on your phone) how many times you observe your mind someone other than the present moment. Each time you catch yourself, simply think or say thank you for showing me that, and focus on bringing your full attention to the present moment - your child, and their needs in that moment. Notice their expressions, listen to their words, and engage with them fully. RESPOND to them in the moment. This practice of mindful presence can transform a routine task into a meaningful connection.
Heart Posture:
Scenario: You're tackling household chores after a long day at work. You feel exhausted and irritable.
Tool: Audit yourself. WHY are you pushing through to get the whole house cleaned up before going to bed? WHERE did you learn that? WHAT is the worst thing that will happen if you leave those dishes or that mess until tomorrow and honour your need to rest tonight? If you have audited and identified that it IS something that must be done, try shifting your heart posture by reflecting on the purpose behind your actions. Instead of viewing the task as a burden, find a way to view it through the lens of gratitude, love or care. This change in perspective can be a huge game changer in our state of being.
Emotional Check-ins:
Scenario: You notice yourself feeling overwhelmed and stressed at work, snapping at colleagues or family members.
Tool: Set a timer on your phone to pause every few hours and check in with your emotions. Ask yourself, "How am I feeling right now?" Acknowledge your feelings without judgement and consider what you need in that moment. This simple practice can help you stay attuned to your inner state and respond with greater emotional intelligence.
Daily Reflection:
Scenario: At the end of the day, you feel like you’ve been running on autopilot, unsure of what you truly accomplished.
Tool: Spend a few minutes each evening reflecting on your day. Write down moments when you felt truly present and moments when you were merely doing. This reflection can increase your awareness and guide you towards more being-centred actions in the future.
Real-Life Applications
Parenting Without Shame
One of the most challenging areas to shift from doing to being is in our parenting. Many parents feel the pressure to "do" parenting right—ensuring their children are well-behaved, successful, and meeting societal expectations. However, this focus on doing can lead to shame and judgement, both for ourselves and our children.
In the podcast, I shared a personal story about my son’s meltdown in a shopping centre. At that moment, I felt a suffocating fear of judgement from onlookers. In all honesty, I went into a trauma response and my entire instinct was to do whatever needed to be done to remove us from the shopping centre. This event taught me a LOT about moving through my own parenting shame, and how to be present with my child when they are in distress, despite onlookers or judgements of others, rather than regressing into a trauma response of fight (which may have looked like shouting at, or getting defensive towards onlookers), flight (which is what I did - rushed to high tail it out of there), or freeze (which may have looked like me completely shutting down in the moment).
Tool: When your child is experiencing a difficult emotion, notice what is happening in your own body. Do you sense an urge to fix or correct them immediately? Sit with that and ask why? What feels unsafe about this? Practice acknowledging that urge, and CHOOSING a different response of presence and curiosity, instead. Acknowledge their feelings, offer comfort, and let them know it’s okay to feel what they’re feeling. This approach not only nurtures their emotional health but also strengthens your connection with them.
Transforming Self-Care
Self-care is often viewed as a list of activities we must "do" to recharge—exercise, meditation, hobbies, etc. While these activities are beneficial, the true essence of self-care lies in our state of being during these activities.
Tool: The next time you engage in a self-care activity, focus on being present rather than just completing the task. If you’re meditating, notice your breath and the sensations in your body. If you’re exercising, pay attention to how your body moves and feels. This mindful approach can turn routine self-care into a deeply nourishing experience.
Enhancing Relationships
Our relationships thrive not on the quantity of our interactions but on the quality of our presence. Whether with partners, friends, or colleagues, being present can transform how we connect and communicate.
Tool: Practice active listening in your conversations. Put away distractions, make eye contact, and truly listen to the other person without planning your response. This practice shows respect and value for the other person, deepening your relationship.
The Role of Rise and Thrive
If you find yourself struggling to make this shift from doing to being, you’re not alone. Many of us have been conditioned to equate our worth with our productivity and actions. However, it is possible to break free from this cycle and cultivate a more fulfilling way of living.
At the Re-MIND Institute, our 'Rise and Thrive' program is designed to support individuals on this journey. Through a blend of neuroscience, spirituality, and practical tools, we help you develop the emotional intelligence, empathy, and authenticity needed to transform your life. Our 10-week program offers a safe and supportive environment to explore and integrate these concepts, leading to lasting change.
Join Our Heart-Centred Healing Hub
As you embark on this journey towards being, I invite you to join our Heart-Centred Healing Hub on Facebook. This community is a space for ongoing support, connection, and sharing of experiences. Here, you can connect with like-minded individuals, gain additional insights, and receive encouragement as you apply these principles in your life.
Join our Heart-Centred Healing Hub on Facebook today and become part of a supportive community dedicated to personal and collective growth.
Final Thoughts
Shifting from doing to being is not an overnight change—it’s a continuous practice of mindfulness, presence, and self-awareness. By implementing these tools and embracing a heart posture of being, you can transform your daily experiences and relationships, leading to a more fulfilling and authentic life.
Keep in mind, it’s not about perfection but about progress. Each moment of presence is a step towards a richer, more meaningful existence. If you’re ready to dive deeper into these concepts and receive personalised support, consider joining our Rise and Thrive program. Together, we can rise above the pressures of doing and truly thrive in the state of being.
Stay connected, stay present, and keep thriving.
With wellness in mind [and body, and spirit],
Dr. Ashleigh Moreland
Watch Episode 72 of the Re-MIND Podcast here:
