How to Handle Triggers Without Taking the Bait and ACTUALLY Experience Emotional Freedom
“Allow yourself to feel gratitude for your triggers. The people, the places, the circumstances, the situations- they are all invitations to see where we are not emotionally free.”
- Dr. Ashleigh Moreland
We’ve all been there - someone says something that strikes a nerve, and before we know it, we’re in the middle of a heated argument or feeling completely thrown off balance. It happens at work, in our relationships, and even with family. In these moments, it can feel like we have no control. But what if we could stop ourselves from reacting, break the cycle, and handle these triggers in a way that leaves us feeling empowered, not drained?
This is exactly what we explore in episode 77 of the Re-MIND Podcast, where we dove into the idea of “taking the bait.” The bait is that little thing - maybe a snide comment or a look that grabs us and pulls us into conflict or emotional turmoil. In the podcast, we discuss how these situations show up in everyday life and, most importantly, how to handle them without taking the bait.
What Exactly Is a Trigger?
Before we get into how to handle triggers, it’s helpful to know what a trigger actually is. A trigger is anything in your environment that taps into an unresolved emotional wound. It’s the salt on the wound. If you had a physical cut on your hand and someone poured salt on it, it would hurt. But if your skin was healed, the salt wouldn’t hurt you at all.
Triggers are like that. When something happens in your life that sets off an emotional reaction, it’s often pointing to an old wound that hasn’t fully healed. It could be something from your past that you’re not even aware of until that moment. It’s easy to think the other person is the problem, but really, the situation is just bringing something to the surface that’s been there all along.
Recognising When You’re Taking the Bait
It’s crucial to recognise when you're being baited into a reaction - AND that it’s rarely intentional on behalf of the other person. Imagine that you’re in a conversation with your partner, and they make a comment that stings. They didn’t mean it to hurt you, but suddenly, you feel that flood of emotion -anger, hurt, frustration. In that moment, you have a choice (even if it feels like it happens so fast you had NO choice): react or reflect.
When we react, we’ve taken the bait. We jump into the argument or start defending ourselves. This is where things usually spiral. The key is catching yourself BEFORE you take the bait. I literally imagine being a fish, swimming along and seeing the juicy, delicious bate on the hook. I need to be able to first of all recognise that it’s bait, and then choose to swim straight past no matter how badly I want to eat that big juicy worm. My desire to live, has to be greater! In our case, it may not be life or death, but our desire for healthier emotional and relational responses has to be greater than our desire for the instant gratification.
Here’s a simple exercise you can try next time you feel triggered:
Pause and Breathe: Before you say anything, take a deep breath. This gives you a moment to step back from the emotional reaction.
Identify What’s Happening: Ask yourself, “What’s really going on here? What am I feeling, and why?” This helps you slow down the automatic reaction and tap into what’s underneath the trigger.
Decide How to Respond: You need to choose not to engage in the same old pattern. Sometimes that means saying “I need a moment to gather my thoughts, I’ll continue this conversation when I’m feeling more regulated” and walking away for a moment, other times it means responding calmly or choosing to say nothing at all.
Practical Scenario: Conflict with a Partner
Let’s imagine you’re having a conversation with your partner, and they say something like, “You never help out around the house.” You immediately feel defensive because you know you’ve been doing your best to help, and you’re tired of being accused of not doing enough. In that moment, it’s easy to snap back and say, “Well, you never appreciate anything I do!”
But instead of taking the bait, what if you paused and thought about what was really happening?
Your partner’s comment could be coming from their own feelings of overwhelm or stress, and while the delivery wasn’t ideal, their words might not be meant as an attack. When you take a step back, you might recognise that the real trigger isn’t the words themselves but a deeper wound -perhaps you feel unappreciated or not good enough, and this has been a pattern consistently showing up in your life since childhood.
By taking a moment to recognise this, you can respond differently. You might say something like, “I’ve been trying my best to help. Can we talk about what would feel more supportive to you?”
This response opens the door to a constructive conversation instead of escalating the conflict.
Shifting Your Perspective on Triggers
One of the most powerful tools in handling triggers is shifting your mindset. Instead of seeing triggers as a bad thing, what if you saw them as an opportunity?
Triggers can reveal where you’re not emotionally free. If something still has the power to unsettle you, it’s likely because there’s something unhealed within you. This doesn’t mean that the other person is right or that their behaviour is justified, but it gives you insight into what you need to work on for your own peace.
In the podcast, we talk about how this perspective shift can be life-changing. Rather than feeling like a victim of your circumstances, you can see triggers as invitations to heal. Each time you get triggered, it’s a chance to understand yourself better and move closer to emotional freedom.
Practical Scenario: Workplace Stress
Imagine you’re at work, and a colleague criticises your project in front of others. You feel that familiar sting - maybe it’s embarrassment, or maybe it feels like your hard work is being dismissed. In the past, you might have snapped back or internalised the hurt, spending the rest of the day in a bad mood.
But if you see this moment as an invitation to grow, you can handle it differently. You might pause and realise that the criticism is tapping into an old feeling of not being good enough or fear of failure. With this awareness, you can respond calmly: “I hear your concerns. Can we go through them so I can improve the project?”
By choosing to respond from a place of self-awareness, you protect your peace and maintain your professionalism, all while addressing the issue in a constructive way.
Tools for Handling Triggers
Here are a few more tools you can use to stop taking the bait and handle triggers with greater awareness:
Name the Emotion: When you feel triggered, naming the emotion helps you create distance between the feeling and your reaction. Instead of saying, “I’m angry,” try saying, “I feel anger rising up in me.” This simple shift helps you see the emotion as separate from you, making it easier to manage.
Journal it Out: Sometimes writing down what you’re feeling can help you process emotions without reacting impulsively. Take a few minutes to jot down your thoughts, get things off your chest, and express yourself freely, even if you never share them with anyone. This is about getting the emotions out of your system in a healthy way.
Body Scan: When you’re triggered, your body often reacts before your mind catches up. Doing a quick body scan where you check in with your breath, noticing tension in your shoulders, or the tightness in your chest - can help bring your focus back to the present moment and calm your nervous system.
Boundaries: It’s important to remember that setting boundaries isn’t the same as taking the bait. In situations where someone’s behaviour is unreasonable, calmly setting a boundary is a bridge that moves you to honouring YOUR emotional wellbeing. For example, you might say, “I’m not comfortable with this conversation right now. Let’s discuss it when we’re both calm.” This boundary places a high importance on loving and honouring your sense of self, and not tolerating dysfunctional or toxic behaviours. Every boundary you set bridges that gap and supports your emotional healing.
The Role of Self-Compassion
An essential part of handling triggers is giving yourself grace. It’s easy to feel frustrated with yourself when you react or feel triggered, but remember, healing is a process. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about progress. Each time you catch yourself before reacting or reflect on a situation afterward, you’re growing.
I can’t tell you how often I bang on about our triggers not being something to fear or avoid - they’re a sign that something in us is asking for attention. The more we can approach these moments with curiosity and self-compassion, the more emotionally free we become.
How the ‘Rise and Thrive’ Program Can Help
Handling triggers and breaking free from old patterns isn’t easy, especially when we’ve spent years reacting in the same ways. That’s where deeper work comes in. Our Rise and Thrive program is designed to help you do just that. Through a combination of neuroscience, emotional healing, and practical tools, this intensive 10-week program (30 hours, plus lifetime access!) guides you through the process of identifying and healing those emotional wounds, so you no longer have to take the bait.
By the end of the program, participants report feeling more empowered, self-aware, and able to handle life's challenges with greater ease.
If you’re ready to dive deeper into your healing journey and want to connect with others on the same path, consider joining the Heart-Centred Healing Hub on Facebook. This supportive community is a space where you can share your experiences, learn from others, and continue growing in a safe and nurturing environment. We’d love to see you there.
Final Thoughts
Triggers don’t have to control you. By shifting your mindset, using practical tools, and doing the deeper healing work, you can stop taking the bait and create more peace in your life. Remember, this journey is about progress, not perfection. Each step you take brings you closer to emotional freedom.
If this resonates with you, be sure to check out the Rise and Thrive program or join our Heart-Centred Healing Hub Facebook group to continue your healing journey with us. Together, we can rise above triggers and thrive in all areas of life.
Watch Episode 77 of the Re-MIND Podcast here:
